To Hug or Not to Hug: how my client and I celebrated moving to Tier 3

There is no person in Scotland, and perhaps in the whole of the world, who was not affected by coronavirus regulations in some ways in the past months. One group however that was majorly affected but perhaps not often talked about was vulnerable adults. Not people with respiratory illnesses who had to shield - although this group had undeniably the hardest job of keeping up a positive attitude through it all -, but people with mental disabilities. All of a sudden, they could no longer do the things they enjoyed and there was no real easily explainable reason for it. 

I am a support worker for The No.1 Care Agency. One of my ‘Befriending Plus’ clients is the most sociable and outgoing person I have ever met: her favourite activity is visiting and hosting friends and family. She also loves hugging everyone. She adores children, and on our frequent walks she greets and talks to each family with children that we meet, reaches out to touch the children’s faces or squeezes their hand. Meeting people gives her the boost she needs for her mental health. Her joy is great to witness because it rubs off on me too. She taught me to be a more positive person. Being cooped up in her house is not her cup of tea, if she could, she would always be out, out in shops and cafes, meeting new people. This is who she is.

Since Scotland has been in level 4 lockdown, she could not do any of the things she loves. When she wanted to hug me, I had to say ‘You know I love you, but we are not allowed’. When she wanted to go to her friends’ houses, I had to say: ‘we are not allowed. Why don’t we phone them instead?’ She was not as enthused. Getting too close to strangers? Not allowed. Going somewhere for a cup of coffee? Not allowed. Going to the cinema? Not allowed. We are not allowed. Not allowed. Not allowed. Not allowed. I got sick of saying it to her. 

In general support workers don’t talk to the people we support any differently than we would talk to anybody else. We might have to repeat ourselves often or use simpler sentences depending on the needs of the client. But if a client asks ‘why are we not allowed?’ I won’t say ‘You won’t understand, so I will not explain’ because it would be demeaning and disrespectful. Nobody would want to be talked to that way. So I tried to explain, in a way she would understand. ‘It’s to protect everyone, so nobody gets sick. We could make your friends sick, or they could make us sick, and we don’t want that’. Luckily, she mostly understood. God forbid she makes anybody sick. She also quickly got used to wearing masks and did it proudly when we went grocery shopping. ‘No, I don’t want to make anybody sick.’  

I know that when certain parts of Scotland did not go into Tier 2, a lot of people were disappointed. Although it is disappointing, yes, I am still celebrating moving into Tier 3. I completely forgot to be disappointed. My Befriending Plus client and I are going to cafes, going to the houses of friends who live locally, and I no longer have to stop her from hugging others. We are of course still careful around strangers, but luckily, she seems to no longer have the habit of reaching out to touch children’s faces. Two-three weeks ago, when we had our first cup of coffee and piece of cake in a local cafe, she was so excited, and I was too. We are of course eagerly waiting for the whole pandemic to be over and for all restrictions to disappear. In the meantime, it was great to just have a cup of coffee, sitting in a cafe, chatting with the staff, and enjoying not having to say and hear ‘not allowed’ anymore.

Pictured is the lovely cake eaten on our first outing in Tier 3.

For more information on the care packages The No.1 Care Agency can provide, please visit their website.